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On the home front, Mom's still dealing with pain, but thankfully, we're seeing more good days than before! It's been a journey. Honestly, the biggest headache has been navigating Kaiser; it feels like she's been getting bounced around a bit. The one bright spot has been her kidney doctor – even though he's out of network, he's been a real lifesaver.
All this pain has really taken a toll on her overall health. Her blood sugar's been up and down, and her A1C is higher than we'd like. They've been adjusting her meds, trying to find the right balance. She's off Metformin now, and her insulin dose has been increased. Unfortunately, they can't move forward with her back treatment until her numbers come down.
It's been rough seeing Mom go through this, and honestly, it's been dragging me down too. Her moods have been all over the place, and lately, it feels like anger is the default setting. We've been butting heads a lot, and it's just wearing me out. Nighttime has become my refuge, those moments catching a movie and just chilling with Mike after a chaotic day. Having him around this past week while he was on vacation was such a relief.
And speaking of Mike, it's wild – we've had this connection for a year now. We're actually planning to meet up this summer and see what happens. It's the strangest, most wonderful thing to feel this kind of bond with someone.
You know, by the time evening rolls around, all I crave is sinking into the couch with a movie and Mike's company. It's funny 'cause even though it's snowing right now, I can feel that warmer weather just around the corner, and with it, I know there'll be more ways for me to unwind. I'm really looking forward to getting my hands in the garden again and taking Scoots on some longer walks, just the two of us. I just need to get a better handle on my time and stress levels, you know? I also have this feeling that if I actually made time to blog, it would be a great outlet.
So, yeah, I'm making a promise to myself to be more present here and get some better blog posts up. My sister's been on my case, telling me it's time I got a little "selfish" and actually focused on what I need for a change.
Thank you so much for stopping by! Hope your morning/afternoon/evening is extra cozy and delightful. Until our paths cross again!
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"Me time" seems to be the first thing that we sacrifice, instead of the last. May you find the balance necessary. 🤗💖
ReplyDeleteYes, it is always the first thing we stop doing "Me time". I'm working on it, thanks Jeanne. I hope things are going well for you.
DeleteEnjoy your day! (((BIG HUGS)))
It's Kathy. First, I agree with your sister. You need to stop worrying so much about your mom and take some time for yourself. I totally understand what your mom is going through and she's actually very lucky to have a daughter who cares so much. None of my children check in on me and my husband is about ready to send me packing. I know I'm often crabbier than I want to be but being in pain for literally years (about 3 so far) has been overwhelming. And now that I'm getting better I'm working so hard to get stronger - and THAT causes additional pain. It's the good kind, that I know I'm using my muscles again, but it's still challenging. It sounds like you're giving your mom the grace to be unhappy, and that's very commendable. But not you have to give yourself the grace to actually be happy! I also understand how challenging it is to work with doctors these days! What a pain!!! Take care and enjoy Mike!
ReplyDeleteI know that you're going through something similar with the constant pain. Kathy, I'm so sorry that you have to go through all that and without much support. I hope that you continue to get better and stronger. Now I just need to find some grace for myself.
DeleteHope you have a good day! (((BIG HUGS)))
I second my fellow commenters' and your sister's thoughts... YOU are worth prioritizing. You do a great job caring for your mom, but caregivers need care, too. Basking in the glow of your growing bond with Mike. Best wishes as it grows on, and savor it for sure.
ReplyDeleteThank you Barb. I'm starting to see that I need to put myself on the list too. It's been a longtime, but finally I'm happy with someone. Looking forward to the new chapters with him.
DeleteHave an amazing day! (((BIG HUGS)))
Yup, me three. As one who has been there and learned the hard way caregivers must take care of themselves or they burn out fast. Take all those times you need as you need them it is the best way to be there when you are needed. I also had to learn to step back and not be mom's punching bag (so to speak) when she was out of sorts. Huge hugs my friend.
ReplyDeleteYeah I can feel the burning out right now. I remember you had a rough time there with her. I need to learn to take care of myself first. I hope things are going well.
DeleteHave a fabulous day! (((BIG HUGS)))