I Have Some Explaining To Do

 "Life is a road. You'll get over the potholes, even if you have to pull yourself out. Yes, those hills go up and down, but you'll always level out." (Author Unknown) 

 Hello, my lovely friends!

                                        
    It’s been quite a couple of weeks here. When I told you about how emotional things have been here oh it was going to get even more emotional.

    My mom’s pain has been hot and cold for her. She does what she can, but waiting for Kaiser to do anything is almost impossible. It upsets me that she just suffers now and they don’t want to do anything for her. It only happens when she emails them, but it should have to come to that.

    The two of us still butt heads, but I think we’ve come to an understanding because of the last disagreement we had. She was upset about my dad and we talked about it. Then out of the blue she just said he was having an affair with her sister when we were kids. WHAT?!?! She went into detail and then talked about another one at his job. She went into details about things she knew and just kept talking. The more she talked about it, the angrier she got and then upset.

    The two of us talked for hours and she told me a lot of things that I just couldn’t believe, but they made sense. You could see the pain in my mom’s face, but she also felt like huge weight was lifted from her/. We talked the whole day and she cried through most of it. That night I was in such shock with everything that I was upset, but never showed that in front of my mom. She has enough to go through. 

    That night in her bedroom she had me take down all his pictures and put them in a drawer in another room. She said she was done with the shrine to him. 

    The next morning she told me she doesn’t want to be buried with him. He couldn’t honor her so she doesn’t want an eternity with him. She want to go see him one more time and tell him how she feels and then no more. I guess I’ll go by myself when I want to see him. 

    The past week has been hard, she cries daily about it. She thinks she did something wrong and I told her it’s not about her, it was him. He did this. I’m not sure how I feel about everything. On one hand I’m so angry at him for doing this because what she’s going through. Her heart is so broken right now. Then it makes me so sad because its my dad and he was a great day, but a lousy husband. 

    My mom wants my sister to come out, but I have to tell her about it first. I’m not sure how she’ll take it, but I know it won’t be easy for her. We agreed that no one else in the family needs to know.

    The talk has now switch to she wants to move out of this house. She wants to be closer to my sister and has something that is hers without my dad attached to it. That makes me sad, but I get it. So while all that was happening my mom asked if I could tell Mike to postpone coming out in June until autumn. I told him and he was upset about it and then we got in a heated discussion about everything. That led to almost a week without talking. I just didn’t want to deal with it because I had so much going on with my mom. Finally we talked on Friday and now everything is good with us.

    So its been a whirlwind of a couple of weeks here. Some days I’ve been so exhausted from emotions that I can’t get anything done. So, again sorry for the lack of blogs this past week. I’ll be better. Thanks for letting me let that out.
                                            

A huge thank you for your lovely visit! Sending you all the cozy and delightful vibes for your morning/afternoon/evening. Until our stars align again!